ASHMONT GRILL

By MARTINI SEVERIN | PHOTOS BY ANTHONY O'BRIEN

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It's noon on Sunday when I stroll into Ashmont Grill to be greeted by Butterfly. She and I chat amiably as she leads me to my table. Something growls—it's either me or my belly. I'm hungry. An empty stomach—truly a spectacular preparation for a five-drink spree.

Drink 1: Mimosa ($8). Our waiter comes over, and I explain the drill. He gives me a toothy smile and returns minutes later with a mimosa. I would have preferred a more adventurous drink—but, alas, it is bubbly and I am thirsty. I take a sip, relishing the slight tartness of the OJ. Come to think of it, all fruit juice should be served mixed with Champagne. Rather than my usual soda water and cranberry juice at business meetings, a Champagne-berry spritzer would make those meetings go by a whole lot faster.

Drink 2: Bloody Mary ($7.50). My first Bloody Mary. Ever. At a certain point in childhood, I swore I would never drink V8 again [Tomato-based trauma?—Ed.], but here I am. There's a little kick to the drink ... horseradish, maybe. I feel like I should have some shrimp or oysters to dip into this concoction. The mind starts to wander—who was Mary? And why was she bloody? A vodka stigmata cover-up? I sip away.

Drink 3: White Pear Sangría ($8). The Pats are on the big screen by the bar. Miz Fitzgerald croons softly over the speakers, and the room is definitely spinning. Are the wedges of lime and lemon swaying to Ella's lyrics? This fruity drink wanders in and out of consciousness, riding the alcoholic tide.

Drink 4: The Ruby Slipper ($8). The mushroom and fontina omelet arrives at the table. I gladly dig in, padding my stomach accordingly. As the waiter presents the Ruby Slipper, I start grinning—this is a completely girly-girly drink in color, yet packs a punch. Yeah! Nothing like liquor and grapefruit juice to make you come close to losing your train of thought. Wait ... what am I drinking again? Oh, right.

Drink 5: Dottini ($8). The omelet is long gone, but the guys at the next table are eating a burger and Train Wreck fries. Those hot crispy critters smothered in jack cheese, bacon, jalapenos, sour cream and scallions are looking too tempting—need distraction! I progress to the gardened patio, where the sun warms my face; I close my eyes, but quickly open them again. The sky? Spinning. The waiter comes over with my last drink, and I take a sip of the Absolut Citron, lemonade and hint of Chambord. It's official: The Dottini gives the Ruby Slipper a run for the money. Although, I must disclose that my judgment may be a tad bit impaired at this point. Rematch? I may just need a second Bloody Mary.