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By Ashfree on Thu, Feb 21, 2008 1:37 pm

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Excuse me, that was just me mashing at my keyboard as I attempt to regain the feeling in my fingertips.

Secretly, I enjoy when temperatures in Boston fall below freezing, because then I get to look down on others who insist on complaining about the weather as inferior and less able to withstand adverse temperatures than me. And, were we ever to find ourselves stranded in the Antarctic due to bad directions or as a result of sitting on a floating chunk of iceberg too long, they would be more likely to freeze to death whereas I might say something like, "What service do you think provides decent cable out here?" or "Do you think we can still get delivery?"

I derive immense pleasure from telling people "if you can't feel your legs now, try moving to Chicago." One reason I do not think I could live somewhere consistently pleasant is because we would no longer have the weather to complain about, and would be forced to transfer our negative attention to something else. Finding nothing superficial to whine about, we might have to look toward actual problems, like "I think there's a great big gaping hole in my love life," or "I'm being sent to prison for tax evasion, and I've never looked good in orange." Another reason I couldn't live somewhere warm is because of the tremendous lengths one would have to go to to look exceptionally good naked year-round. Why, not only would I have to sign up for a gym membership, I might actually have to go.

As I zipped my overcoat over my parkas and headed out into the sunshine, I was warmed not by the jackets, but by inner warmth. The inner warmth that comes from the sense of accomplishment one feels after surviving a harsh winter with the gas bills to prove it. I smiled because it was Thursday, and would not have to sit in front of a computer at a desk much longer this week, and could instead sit at home in bed in front of a computer. It was then that I noticed I had absentmindedly walked directly into a funeral procession, at which point I transformed my cheerful expression into one of despondency and grief, as if I was having a very bad day myself.