By Dargus on Thu, Jun 25, 2009 3:13 pm
When apologizing publically to your wife and constituents, here's a rough list of things you should probably avoid mentioning:
1. Your experience, even that which falls within your college years, of working across national borders without a work visa. This goes double for high-ranking, GOP president-hopefuls.
2. That you were exhausted by your own efforts to turn down federal stimulus money.
3. That you lied to a reporter by omission. A reporter with the wherewithal to stake-out Atlanta's airport waiting for your sorry-ass admission, which was only an infinitesimal part of the story.
4. Letting your family down. A public apology just doesn't cut it. Ever. You entered a tryst, chose to end it over Father's Day weekend. Say it to their faces, Pops, and keep the political "save face" limited to your now-limited political career.
5. The press and essentially blaming them for the timeline in which you were forced to apologize. It's not our fucking fault, Governor. It's your fucking that is at fault.
6. That you let you staff down, when what you did in fact do was not just let them down, but make a public mockery of their office and credibility.
7. Good friends who may or may not have slept in your kids' dinosaur sheets. And, whether or not it may have occurred to you in your downward spiral, few people want to be associated with your good name at the moment. Best leave 'em and your kiddies' sheets out of it.
8. Your in-laws. They're disappointed in you too, move along.
9. God, or his laws that you blatantly disregarded, you future hell-dwelling sinner, you.
10. People of faith, across South Carolina and the US of A. There are only Ten Commandments, man. You lost your way around No. 7, as many have before you. But as a lapsed Episcopalian, I sure as hell take offense to your dragging me into this.
11. That it all began very innocently. You first betrayed your wife by emotionally cheating over such exchanges with a dear woman friend in Argentina. Then, then, you cheated in the most Biblical of senses. Do not qualify your actions here, sir.
12. A third, maybe fourth mention of your friend, Tom Davis. Throw him a lifeline, by omitting your association with him. At this moment, you're extending a noose.
13. That all you can do is apologize. No. You could have done many things, said many things. But you did not. The only thing you can do now is keep your penis to yourself, keep your damn trap shut and wrap this up quickly. Oh, we're not yet halfway through ...
14. A request for a "zone of privacy." Do define, cuckolding minister of poorly-crafted lies, do define.
15. The press, again, and their willingness to broadcast your moronic ne'er-do-well behavior across headlines. I'm going to give you the advice that if you'd like the press to stay out of your business, that your business end not fly into Buenos Aires three weeks after you display nationally a general wealth of silliness regarding your own state's matters.
16. A need to "clear out more time" in your schedule for reconciliation. Dude, you already took a week off ...
And in the Q&A sesh:
1. C-Street, the Christian congressional watchdog group that you at one time participated in and learned NOTHING from.
2. The fact that you're going to divulge the in and outs of your affair with "way more detail than [we'll] ever want."
3. That this all was eight years in the making.
4. "Sparking" as a euphemism for doing it.
5. That you spent the last five days "crying in Argentina." Man up, or whatever it is your conservative cronies would tell you. You know what, no. Just man up in general.
By Dargus on Thu, Feb 5, 2009 11:37 am
According to passiveagressivenotes.com (your mid-week fix for Oh Cruel World!), the North Shore Music Theatre in Beverly, Mass. is closing its doors. One dedicated staffer is committed to preserving its artifacts, particularly some drawings from the intern lounge.
Now here at Dig HQ, we have an intern pit. And while we have some demotivators hung up for their amusement, they certainly don't have their own lavatory, especially one that attracts midday business worth illustrating.
By Dargus on Wed, Jan 28, 2009 12:06 pm
Florian Kaps, founder of
Polanoid.net and the
Polanoir museum in Vienna has resurrected the film format and set to work in the Polaroid factory in Enschede, Amsterdam (with 11 former factory workers). He hopes to produce product for retail by December.
By Dargus on Tue, Jan 27, 2009 6:47 pm
I must admit my own naïve excitement at reading that little bit of news. And when I figured out they're offering $17/hr. in Boston, I was genuinely intrigued. Dimitrias Brown, of e.5.Charlie, was luckily on hand to tell me how wrongly placed my excitement was:
Dargus: Alright, so tell me about your three days of working for the census bureau.
Dimitrias: Three days at the census ... I was probably either 17 or 18 years old, I'm not sure. Summertime, no job, broke as fuck, the Jordans were coming out, didn't have any money. Like, you gotta get a job. In the paper: government job, census. I think at the time it was like, $12.80 an hour, some shit like that. But at the time, I was like, "yes! fuckin' right!" Yeah, that's enough money.
Go through an orientation period, blah blah, they tell you how to do it, whatever. They give you a manila envelope full of ... questionnaires for people all around your neighborhood. So you look through 'em and there's people's addresses and all this shit, and it began like, oh you know, "Where do you live? Where will you be comfortable working, blah blah?"
Obviously you pick your neighborhood, so you get all these people that you sorta know and shit ... Alright, I gotta go to these people's houses, and you go there. And the first few, maybe you get lucky, like fuckin' old people that're all like [imitating an elderly person's voice], "Oh, the census? Yeah yeah yeah!"
And then you get the people around your age, or like middle-aged ...
"Hey, how're you doing? My name's Dimitrias I'm here with the Census Bureau. I live in the neighborhood. I'm also from Brooklyn, and I just wanted to come and ask you a few questions."
"Well ... questions about what?"
Well basically what they're trying to do is get head points on different areas of society, like income, where people attend school, where people shop, and blah blah blah. Is that alright?"
"You know ... really ... No!"
Dargus: [laughs]
Dimitrias: "No, but you have to understand I have this job with the government and I'm 18 years old" (or 17, not really sure ...) "Hey man, I'm not trying to fuck up your shit, but that doesn't mean... $12.80 an hour... Every one of these things that I fill out counts as an hour. Even if I spend 17 minutes here, I can count it as an hour, and I'm definitely gettin' the Jordans on Saturday, help me out."
"No. Leave my house. If I even see again ... 'Cause I don't know you. You don't even have a badge."
You don't even have a badge, that's a little fucked up.
Dargus: You learn that on day one.
Dimitrias: Working the census there was no official thing that made you "legit" like besides having a manila envelope full of ... shit ... addresses to people's houses. I could definitely produce the entire thing on a Mac or a PC. And it's like, "Hey ... Your wife works too? Right, awesome. Combined, your jobs ... How much money did you make last year? Net?"
"Is that on the paper?"
Dargus: And they're different people that you kind-of sort-of know, like people's parents?
Dimitrias: Yeah, it's like... "Do you remember... "
Well first of all, I definitely introduced myself, so we got that out of the way.
"Maybe me ... and not your son, but your son's cousin, maybe your nephew, I don't really know how it works, but whatever, we know each other. We got trophies and all that. Can I ask you these questions now? Does your son still live here? Does he have kids? How many people are in this house? How many bedrooms? Really? Six on three? Hmm ... Everyone together? Siblings?"
Anyway, it was the shittiest job ever. I don't ever want to do it again, I never will.
Dargus: You wouldn't recommend this to a friend?
Dimitrias: I wouldn't recommend it to a friend, I would rather tell my friend, get on his shit. Get up early, early in the morning, put on your best clothes, go down to Dunkin' Donuts, get a coffee. Get ready to get it goin', drink that entire coffee, pour out what little is left. Take that cup, take off the top, and shake it and ask people for coins on the street before they apply for a government job collecting information.
By Dargus on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 3:49 pm
Ok, I'm being presumptuous in assuming the creator of this Kermit/Christian post has recently lost their job, but its breadth and awesome randomness is astounding.
from Jezebel
By Dargus on Mon, Dec 8, 2008 11:41 am
Though I'm not of the I've-always-wanted-to-appear-in-Playboy ilk, I am weirdly fascinated by the nudie mag king's empire. (Did you know he adopted the lifestyle of international playboy after already starting a family to market the lifestyle touted in his expanding brand. Smart guy. (Bad sex practices, but that's for another post!)
Anywho, Christie Hefner, daughter of said king, is stepping down as Playboy's CEO. Sad to see a female slot slip away in the industry.
But wait, the face of top porn purveyors may be changing?
UPDATE: Sadly, my days of being on the up-and-up of the Playboy brand apparently ended with my senior year college paper on the topic. According to a former staffer the brand's demise (and Christie's stepping down) is due more to an antiquated perception of sexuality (affecting how Playboy's pictorials and brand management were carried out—softly) and an indifference to the change brought on by the internet porn explosion.
One could draw comparisons to dead-tree media and the interbutts robbing such enterprises of classifieds, their viability, but one disappointing revelation is enough for me today. That's right, I'm choosing denial.
By Dargus on Tue, Nov 18, 2008 5:01 pm
I have spoken out on the HHS proposal before, but because our lame duck sauce of a fucking president can't keep his paws away from our liberties, it looks like the HHS "provider conscience" rule may be passed before he leaves office, according to the New York Times.
What's even more infuriating is that the HHS proposed rule was sent immediately the White House Office of (mis)Management and Budget superseding the 30-day comment period's end. Meaning? The Department of Health and Human Services under W. could give two shits if you object, not that we had led ourselves to really think otherwise.
But rather than promote apathy, give the hypocritical health care overseers of this country a piece of your mind.
Obama will be unable to rescind the rule for 3-6 months if it does in fact pass.
More:
National Women's Law Center
Feministing
Jezebel
By Dargus on Mon, Nov 17, 2008 6:56 pm
As he says, and now the fun begins.
Fuckin' YIPES, unless something material about GM's ongoing business operations change by:
1) selling more cars
2) selling what cars they're currently selling more profitably (i.e., less rebates, higher interest rates)
3) getting bailed out
They're pretty much fucked. And the newspapers/media in general who rely on their ads are fucked, and ... AND!
Problem is 1) ain't happening. And, as it turns out, 3) ain't happening either. "Paulson told the Wall Street Journal today he is unlikely to use what remains of the package, estimated at $410 billion, unless a need arises."
"Unless a need arises"?! What happened to the OMG FUCKING SHIT urgency?
By Dargus on Fri, Nov 14, 2008 6:36 pm
Granted, we're biased, but
still.
By Dargus on Wed, Nov 12, 2008 6:05 pm
Stalk him
here and
here.
