Good things come in huge packages

Boxes, jugs and deception, oh my!

By Tyler Balliet

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After you burn through the hundred bucks Dad slipped you before another year of educational bliss, you're going to need a game plan for heavy-duty drinking on the cheap. We at The Second Glass feel it's our job to drop some strategic advice for shelving cut-rate cans of crappy beer and obtaining the hookup-inducing elixir of wine. The stuff comes in all kinds of shapes, sizes and, of course, price brackets. It's essential to get the most bang for your buck—so without further ado, our Back to Binge Drinking School Guide. ""

JUGS

Aside from making out with a vineyard owner's offspring, buying your wine in jug format is a great way to get a lot of booze for only a few bucks. In California, some winemakers are actually producing quality wine in jugs (like Three Thieves), but unfortunately for purchasing here in the Bay State we're pretty much relegated to Carlo Rossi. Fret not, because we've got you covered with a sneaky little ploy we like to call the "Trojan Horse."

Offering jugged swill to that hottie you just met is no way to make a first impression. That's why you need to cloak the stuff in a fancy label. In addition to your jug purchase, browse the bargain bin at your local liquor store for a cheap bottle of French or Italian wine. It's best if the label contains cryptic foreign words and an artfully sketched castle or vineyard on the label. When attending your next shindig, start by offering glasses from the bottle of wine and when it's empty, refill with the jugged Carlo Rossi that you're keeping hidden somewhere. Continuously reappear to pour everyone's glasses, claiming your uncle sent you a case of wine as a welcome-to-college present. As long as you don't get caught refilling (or bump into a wine snob), your reputation as the wine connoisseur will be sealed for the rest of the year.

Jug of Carlo Rossi ($12) + Cheap Bottle of French Wine ($8) = Happy Drunk Party ($20)

BOXES

Although our staff has been known to play "slap the bag" with a box of Franzia from time to time, it's only to reminisce about the days of skipping classes and cramming for tests. Luckily, current students won't have to put up with drinking this "housewife juice" because there's actually palatable wine being produced in boxes. It's nothing that'll impress your date, but boxes have their merits. First, a box of wine is equivalent to four regular bottles, or a total of 3 liters of vino, and it's significantly cheaper and lighter than buying the same quantity in glass bottles. Second, the wine won't "go bad" (oxidize) for weeks. While it's highly unlikely that perfectly good booze will sit around your apartment for extended periods of time, it's nice to know that you can have a few glasses with your mac & cheese each night without suffering through faded cheap vino. It's also good for hiding from roommates, party hopping or executing a clandestine "Trojan Horse" mission.

Try the Black Box Merlot from California ($25 for 3 liters).

[All wines available at Marty's Liquors, 193 Harvard Ave., Allston. 617.782.3250]

DRINK MORE WINE! FOR MORE INFORMATION: THESECONDGLASS.COM