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Bobby Brown, the singer/TV star/Bostonian, will mentor Brockton teens and foot the bill to record public service announcements. In return, a Brockton court will waive his cocaine possession charges. His life is kind of one long cautionary tale, but still, Bobby Brown recording anti-drug PSAs is just the kind of hypocrisy teens won't listen to anyway. PLUS 1

During his epic speech in Berlin last week, Obama said, "Cars in Boston and factories in Beijing are melting the ice caps in the Arctic, shrinking coastlines in the Atlantic and bringing drought to farms from Kansas to Kenya." Cars in Boston? We're all for alliteration, but does he really think we're more responsible for global warming than LA is? MINUS 1

Extreme weather continued as a huge storm last week killed at least one person and damaged over 100 homes in New Hampshire. But global warming doesn't exist, so there's no need to worry about future catastrophes. MINUS 2

Someone breaks into a Quincy home, and among stolen items were six pit bull puppies. Police are investigating the usual suspects: Michael Vick and Cruella De Vil. MINUS 1

State public health officials warn that people should not eat the green stuff inside lobsters. It's called the tomalley, and it can be poisonous right now due to some toxic algae in the water, according to the Associated Press. They say that the pink part is OK though. Thanks, Nature, for color-coding the edible parts of giant sea insects. MINUS 1

The state suspends the license of Dr. Loren Borud after he fell asleep while performing plastic surgery. Can you blame him? Liposuction is soooo boring. MINUS 1

Ellen Firth, a 60-year-old "parking activist," is arrested after yelling, photographing and banging on the windows of a car in which a sick teenager was waiting for her mother. Firth, enraged that the car was parked in a handicapped spot, then took close-ups of the cop who came to diffuse the situation. We sure hope those glamour shots were worth the arrest. MINUS 1

The medical files of firefighters with disability claims, which were under investigation by the FBI, disappeared from Boston Fire Department HQ. This prompted a separate federal investigation into where they may have gone. Their disappearance won't interfere with the first investigation (phew), since the files were copied and sent to the FBI long ago. Soon, someone's probably going to have to investigate all the overtime the feds will get for investigating the BFD ... did we just blow your mind? MINUS 2

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 8

LAST WEEK'S TOTAL: PLUS 3