Bean Counter

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MIT hackers figure out how to manipulate the Charlie Card system, and are slapped with a federal lawsuit barring them from sharing their findings (which include the revelation that at many stations, doors are unlocked and security kiosks are unattended ... don't tell ANYBODY). MINUS 1

Red Line trains start to go 25 mph over the Longfellow Bridge again, meaning I can no longer outrun a train. EVEN

After much belly-aching, Brett Favre heads to the Jets. Everyone breathes a huge collective sigh of relief, because, really, we're sick of hearing Favre's name, and we didn't care much to begin with. PLUS 4

US troops are storing certain Iraqi detainees in 6-foot tall, 3-foot wide wooden boxes. All that's missing are labels that read, "real, live human, just add water, food and air." MINUS 6

Stop & Shop recalls tuna because it might contain listeria, Pembroke recalls its water because it may contain E. Coli and everything is recalled due to salmonella. Oh, and West Nile Virus!!!! Good god, it's like an agoraphobic's wet dream! [Worst nightmare?—Ed.] MINUS 1

New 911 surcharges will go into effect in October, with a 45 cent increase for cellphones. You keep that in mind the next time you're about to call for an ambulance. Think of your minutes! EVEN

A police cruiser hits a baby stroller at a pedestrian crossing in JP. To protect and serve!!! MINUS 1

Google launches a service in China that allows free music downloads. They figured that since everyone gets pirated music there anyway, they might as well make it a little more organized. Hear that, America? We just have to make sure that everyone is pirating as much music as possible, and then Google will make it even easier for us. MINUS 1

Greyhound Lines has called for the immediate removal of several ads proudly stating, "There's a Reason You've Never Heard of Bus Rage," since two weeks ago, a Greyhound passenger in Manitoba, Canada, allegedly beheaded his seat-mate and ate parts of the victim's flesh. All of a sudden, the Chinatown bus looks like a safer bet. MINUS 1

The Herald discovers that 501 state employees have take-home vehicles, and promptly shits itself. The cars are apparently gassed up at the state's expense. Public service really is rewarding! MINUS 1

The Massachusetts Maritime Academy is changing the name of its training ship to "The Kennedy," honoring the family's tradition of being served and maintained by a large bumbling crew. PLUS 1

Off-campus housing is difficult to find and often too expensive for students to afford. Wow, good thing there isn't enough loan money to go around. MINUS 3

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 10

LAST WEEK'S TOTAL: EVEN