Bean Counter

By Dig Staff

del.ico.us | digg it! | reddit!

print | email | 0 Comments

Jason Varitek filed for divorce at the end of July. We wouldn't mind throwing the newly single catcher a pitch or two ... PLUS 1

Recently released documents uncover that Julia Child used to be a spy. A spy! She fought the Nazis and shit! The Globe, however, has known this for years. Don't tell THEM that it's news. PLUS 1

SALES TAX HOLIDAY! OH MY SHIT! LET'S BUY A BUNCH OF USELESS CRAP!!! PLUS 1 for the boon to the state's economy and the spectacle of psychotic Christmas hysteria in the middle of August.

Boston's 6.3-percent inflation rate jump is the highest of the country's major metropolitan areas. Other things that are worse in Boston: driving, parking, pleasant conversation, bad news. MINUS 1

An MBTA employee is accused of skimming cash from the T's collection boxes. "Collection box" makes the T sound like a charity (though it's certainly a needy cause). And really? Who uses those things anymore? Give us the futuristic and annoying Charlie Card over cold hard cash any day. MINUS 1

Meanwhile, the T's General Manager Dan Grabauskas approved a 9-percent pay raise for more than 200 T executives, after asking the state for a financial bailout and considering a fare hike to help with the massive debt of our public transportation system. But can you really expect Grabo to worry about how he'll pay the execs, when he has a bunch of RABID ANARCHIST MIT HACKERS on his hands??? MINUS 2

Bruce Springsteen's son will be starting his freshman year at Boston College this fall. Hopefully, he won't grow a choochy patch of facial hair like his pop. PLUS 1

The Department of Homeland Security installs street surveillance cameras in Cambridge, Brookline, Somerville, Winthrop and Quincy, so they can record the drunken antics of college students and pay for the $9.5 trillion national debt with a new home video franchise, entitled "Cambridge Cat Ladies Gone Wild." MINUS 1

Construction on Harvard's 589,000-square-foot science complex releases a toxic chemical into Allston, and no, it's not called "elitism." Welcome to the neighborhood, Harvard! MINUS 1

Gov. Deval Patrick announces (well, actually, he had state Transportation Secretary Bernard Cohen announce it for him) that cops will no longer direct traffic at construction sites for overtime pay. They'll probably be replaced with nerds in orange vests and safety goggles who aren't packing ... but you'd better listen to them, dammit! EVEN

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 2

LAST WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 10