Bean Counter

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The Boston Fire Department begins a policy of not granting injury leave or disability pensions to competitive bodybuilders. Logic scores a near unprecedented victory in the world of Boston fire protection. PLUS 1

You didn't really think the Big Dig was over, did you? Engineers say our brand-new tunnels will need $100 million in maintenance over the next five years, and will be leaking steadily for the next few decades. Fun! It wouldn't be Boston without road construction, right? MINUS 2

Speaking of which, the Mass. Pike Board may be getting rid of discounts for people with Fast Lane, since it announced that it won't be putting tolls on I-93. Might as well make latitudinal commuters pay more than longitudinal commuters. They do deserve it for driving east to west, right?!? MINUS 1

Carmen "The Cheeseman" DiNunzio is trying to get out of prison for a few hours a day to get exercise—doctor's orders!—due to diabetes and heart failure. He's also trying to spend some nights at Mass. General so they can study his sleep apnea. We're SURE that it's a totally innocent request. Cheese's health is what counts here, right? MINUS 1

Dustin Pedroia got himself kicked out of a game last week for yelling at the ump. We would have just squeezed his cheeks and patted his head. He's so dern cute! MINUS 1

Circle Cinemas in Brookline and Showcase Cinemas in Lawrence close after 43 years. Their parent company's spokesperson, Wanda Whitson, told the Globe that the national chain "Watch[es] all of our theaters closely and make[s] every effort to keep them as viable operating businesses. Once they are no longer viable, we make the decision to close them." Wanda, you have no heart. MINUS 1

The Globe runs a picture of MBTA General Manager Dan Grabauskas not driving his plush company SUV, and actually riding the T! On the GREEN LINE, no less. Wow, he must really be trying to gussy up his image. PLUS 1

Sen. Ted Kennedy steals the show during the opening night of the Democratic National Convention festivities ... just like we knew he would. Too bad the Massachusetts delegation was stuck in the back row (or maybe it's a good thing? They might have stormed the stage). PLUS 1

A Somerville resident must pay thousands in fines for correcting the grammatical errors on national park signs, on behalf of the Typo Eradication Advancement League. Today, he is an anal retentive vandal who's banned for life from parks. But tomorrow, he will be hailed as a hero. PLUS 1

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 2

LAST WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 2