Dear Sweet Valentine,

By Dig Readers

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Thank you for the most horrifying Valentine's Day of my life. Nonchalantly, you oh so daintily entered our bedroom last night, entirely nude, and my worst fears were confirmed. "Surprise honey," you said. I couldn't believe my eyes. You shaved the hair on your Lady business—all of it! How could you do such a thing without discussing this with me first? I loved your fur pie, and now I have no idea how to broach the subject. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, so I'm writing this letter with the hope that you'll read it and realize something is amiss. I mean, shit, turtledove. I felt like I just joined the book club and found out all the shelves were empty. My heart started circling the drain. Babycakes, you unknowingly fucked-up, and that's quite understandable. Maybe your intentions were completely tender and warmhearted, but if you ever want me to dog bowl you again you'll grow it back lickity split. I know it might itch a little when those prickles start growing back, but do this for me. Please honeybunch. The way I look at it, be that as it may, the only time a guy should see a bald vagina is when he's changing a baby, and there's absolutely NOTHING sexual about that. I know a lot of people out there disagree and might say there is nothing wrong with a bald pussy, and they have a right to their opinion. Me, on the other hand, I just don't get it. What the hell on god's good green earth would possess you to shave your kitty and abolish those beautiful seductive pubes? Please my little harbinger of love, bring back your magnificent muff. I know a lot of people dig baldness, but I assure my sweet, not I.

Unglued lover