Oh Cruel World!

By Anonymous

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Dear New Member,

You joined the ICA on Sunday. When you approached the desk you seemed very satisfied that the four-person membership you'd imagined and arbitrarily priced at $100 would be your gateway to a new world of sophistication. Never mind that no such offer exists, you were confident and self-satisfied. Working at this museum has taught me that condescension and entitlement thrive in the art world, so you'll fit right in. And despite your smug insistence that all of your friends were going to get in free with your $100 membership (which is actually $125 for two people, with a few guest passes), your petulant refusal to fill in a name for the second card-holder (you wrote "whoever I want"—very sophisticated), and your poisonous thanks when I handed you a temporary membership card (all which took quite a bit of time), you still left me and my co-workers with a few unanswered questions:We were wondering if the huge gap between your front teeth is responsible for your hilarious lisp. And if so, are they the aftermath of an accident, or are you consciously trying to look and sound like some terrible hybrid of Sylvester the cat and Ernest Borgnine? Also, does all the sand in your vagina make a swishy sound when you walk around? Finally, what's the climate like on the island of Dr. Moreau? From the way you behaved I could see you'd been wronged by culture in the past, but you aren't going to take it anymore. And if that meant charging into a museum barking demands like a female Tommy Lasorda and ruining someone else's day, so be it, right? Good for you. If there's anything our museum is lacking, it's obnoxious members with chips on their shoulders. Can't wait to hear from you again,

Your Visitor Services Representative

Send your anonymous gripes and grouses to letters@weeklydig.com, or to Dig Department of Gripes, 242 E. Berkeley St., 2nd Flr., Boston, MA 02118. Crybaby.