MACHINE

1254 BOYLSTON ST., FENWAY, BOSTON. 617.536.1950. NIGHTCLUBMACHINE.COM

By ISABELLE DAVIS | Photo By Jon Towle

del.ico.us | digg it! | reddit!

print | email | 0 Comments

Citysearch cites Machine as "the Boston bar for gay men who want other options than just dancing and drinking," and, while I am neither gay nor a man, I too love options when it comes to a night out. Located on Boylston Street right by Fenway, Machine really does have it all: four bars, billiards, arcade games, dancing, a super friendly staff and an activity called "Feeding the Bears," which I am told involves hand-feeding a burly man who is locked in a cage. The remix of Rihanna's "Unfaithful" is bumping while the accompanying video plays on a flat screen, and a dead ringer for Chuck Norris keeps weaving in and out of the packed crowd. Color me intrigued.

Drink 1: Tahitian ($8). I knew going into this that I was going to have my fair share of drinks that taste like diesel fuel and lollipops, but I was hoping my first beverage of the night wouldn't be reminiscent of melted Sour Patch Kids. Bacardi, Apple and Watermelon Pucker mixed with cranberry juice and Sprite is what I thought was a good idea to drink when I was 16, but I also thought drinking Bailey's straight from the handle was chill too.

Drink 2: Bacardi and Diet Coke ($7). I had gotten the sage advice to ask my fellow bar-goers what they were drinking before I ordered it for myself. The first guy I asked was sipping a Bacardi and Diet Coke, and after the Bacardi and Skittles party that had just happened in my mouth, I did not find his choice appealing. So, I threw caution to the wind and pointed to the dude next to me, telling Mike, the best bartender I have ever had, to pour me one. He handed me a Bacardi and Diet Coke. Selfed.

Drink 3: Stoli Around the World ($8). Eight different kinds of vodka, orange, cranberry and pineapple juice will get you FUCKED UP. This was five steps up from my Tahitian in taste-bud satisfaction, so I was fooled into drinking a good portion of it. Mike had certainly delivered on his "bang for my buck" promise, and I realized that if I didn't brush my teeth immediately upon getting home, they would all rot and fall out due to the Kool-Aid like sugar rush.

Drink 4: Sex with Alligator ($8). Mike laughed as he handed me this dirty green frothy concoction and told me he "would never drink this ever." I didn't actually think this was possible, but coitus with an alligator does have a reproducible taste. It's vodka, Jaeger, Midori and pineapple juice, which, in case you are wondering, is slimy, terrifying and diarrhea inducing, just like gator boning. This is the worst thing I have ever had in my mouth.

Drink 5: Heineken ($4.50). There is no fucking way the ADA advocates gargling with beer, but after what happened in my mouth, I had no choice.