Shay's Pub and Wine Bar

58 JFK ST., HARVARD SQ., CAMBRIDGE. 617.864.9161

By ROB TURBOVSKY | Photo By Lexy Winter

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With its mix of the balding, the pierced and the confused ("So ... why can't I have a margarita?"), Shay's Pub and Wine Bar is so low-key that even the Harvard grad students blend in. A tiny and vaguely English walk-down on JFK Street., Shay's boasts a lovely outdoor patio, a prime people-watching spot in summertime and a base for smokers to huddle for warmth and secondhand in the winters. Fans appreciate the absence of liquor. "It's my favorite pub," says Amanda In The Bathroom Line. "At the end of the night, everyone is drunk, but we all got there together." Who knew they served drinks in utopia?

Drink 1: Draft Harpoon IPA ($4.50). I quickly set up camp at the bar, and Todd the bartender is already wise to my plan—he's scrawled "Dig Dude" at the top of my tab. Per his rec, I open with an IPA. It's crisp, hoppy and ... dear god ... am I already feeling woozy? Whatever, it's 10 pm. If I pace myself, that means less than two drinks an hour. I'll just nurse this baby nice and slow ... nurse it all the way to ... 10:04?! Oh balls.

Drink 2: Castle Rock 2006 Monterey County Pinot Noir ($6). As I consider the Pinot that I ordered because the lady at the end of the bar had one, photog Lexy ominously recalls aloud a rhyme that seems to warn against mixing wine with beer. Todd is reassuringly skeptical: "It probably isn't a good idea, but who cares?" He's right. That blurry lady across the bar sure has good taste. Man, she's blurry. She should put on some glasses.

Drink 3: Bottled Pabst Blue Ribbon ($3). I must be near Harvard after all: The girl to my right is reading the program for the American Repertory Theatre's Julius Caesar. Shit. If I'm gonna socialize, I best keep drinking, and quick! Enjoying PBR out of the bottle always feels silly, like having a cleaning lady for your trailer home. Still, it suits my chips and delicious homemade salsa; the flavors match up better than separated whore twins in a Lindsay Lohan movie.

Drink 4: Bottled Old Peculier ($5). When trying to pick the drink with the most hilarious name, it's a good idea not to wait until everything is kinda funny. But, I'm pretty sure "Old Peculier" has staying power. The dark, rich English brew makes me appreciate all the delicious things from Yorkshire. Like this beer and that pudding ... and Dame Judi Dench ... covered in that pudding.

Drink 5: Hot Cider with Osborne Fine Tawny Port ($5). Todd suggests the hot cider, spooned into a glass from a Crock-pot. And judging by his tattoos and claims of banjo proficiency, he's not a man whose advice you'd spurn. Despite the trouble I have controlling how much spills into my mouth, face and shirt, the cinnamon, spiced apple and port blend together in a celebration of tongue-searing wonderfulness. Amanda makes sure I notice the condom machine in each bathroom. Both are covered by scribbled words and stickers, with one particular item in common: a sentence scrawled on the dispenser that reads, "For refund, insert baby here." Jesus. Even the graffiti at Harvard is brilliant.