Those who drink 30-packs of “the Beast,” Bud Light, “Natty Ice,” Busch and whatnot … STOP! Yeah, we get that some of you are broke and that you want to get your money’s worth — a cheap drunk — and that the rest of you are simply drinking impaired — sheep to advertising or just don’t know any better. But do you realize that for the same amount of money, or a little bit more, you could still get your cheer on, truly enjoy a flavorful beer, support the local beer scene and help to stop the perpetuation of the stereotypical college student — you know, the one where everyone thinks you’re a drunken fool? There’s simply no need to dump this quantity of sub-par “beer” down your throat. It’s just not cool, bra …
The Facts About Your Cheap Beer
Most have alcohol by volumes of 5 percent or less, hence the cheap price and why you need to drink so many to achieve your desired level of stupidity.
The cheap price is also a marketing tactic, aimed at your current financial and social situation.
All of the flavorful goodness typically associated with beer has been filtered down and stripped clean to almost the taste and consistency of water.
They are typically made with adjuncts, like rice and corn, to cut flavor.
They can also contain a slew of other “short cuts” that breweries are not required to divulge to the public. Headaches, sickness, the runs … Coincidence?
Drink Better
Keeping in mind that you are young, easily influenced by others and simply looking to have a good time, we are willing to help you have a better time, with better beer, and hopefully infect the other sheep with your new taste for beer.
First, you’re going to need to quit, cold turkey. Back away from the mega-packs of crap beer, turn around, and walk away from them forever. They are not your friends, and you owe them nothing.
It’s hard for many Americans to grasp this, but remember it’s all about quality, not quantity or price.
If you still want to get your buzz on, pick up a 4- or 6-pack of Barleywine, a strong Belgian Ale, an Imperial Stout or some other strong craft brew. There are plenty of them out there, and at much higher percentages of alcohol (around 7 to 12 percent) they pack a kick but without going overboard. Price will be about the same, but with 10 times the amount of flavor and enjoyment.
Want more than a 4- or 6-pack for your drinking session? Buy 12-packs of craft brew. In Boston, you’ll find imports and locals like Harpoon, Ipswich, Magic Hat, Sam Adams, etc. The cost will be around the same as a 30-pack of crap, and again, you’ll have a better overall experience. If you need more than a 12-pack to enjoy yourself, seek help.
Anyway, you get the point that we’re trying to make: seek quality. Spending a few more bucks won’t kill you and once you switch to better beer, you’ll be hooked for life. You’ll also witness the infectious powers of beer advocacy with your friends: they’ll want to try (mooch) your better beer. You’ll be “the beer guy,” people will ask you for your opinion, instant “coolness” — and the higher quality ingredients will ensure you’ll feel better when you wake up the next morning.
